Bike, Check! Helmet, Check! Lawyer, Wha?

So what should you buy next, after the bike? Yes, a helmet, I know. But after THAT? If you're in NYC, a lawyer might be a good idea.

Couch Potatoes Need Not Apply

Two deaths in this weekend's New York Triathlon and the NY Times' headline is "Death During Swim Renews Questions About Event’s Safety."

No mention is made of the couch potatoes dying over the weekend while doing nothing.

Never Pick A Fight With Someone Who Buys Ink By the Barrel!

I know there's lots of competition for the award, but is there a bigger idiot in professional sports than Washington Redskins owner Dan Snyder? He's trying to get a reporter fired for penning a critical article listing Snyder's many missteps during an ownership tenure spanning 12 years and Jeff George, Albert Haynesworth and Jim Zorn.

Snyder tripped over a sewage ditch and fell face-first into a pool of money. Too bad some IQ points weren't included.

Omaha Takes Two High and Tight

Captious (n): "tending to find and call attention to faults; "a captious pedant"; "an excessively demanding and faultfinding tutor."

Yep, captious, that's me. I doubt the anonymous commenter a few years back meant it as a compliment, but it's my cross to bear and I've been called worse. Now on to the current crisis...

This hasn't been a good week for opinions from Omaha.

First, "Omaha Tommy" Ricketts, scion of Omaha's TD Ameritrade clan and a year into his tenure as owner of the Chicago Cubs, announced plans to renovate Wrigley Field using $300 million of state financing. Trouble is he forgot to give heads-up to, oh, the Governor, the Mayor, the editorial boards of the Tribune and Sun-Times, anybody important, really. At last count, polls showed sentiment running 9-1 AGAINST his proposal.

When asked yesterday, Speaker Madigan said "Oh, that plan? I thought it was withdrawn!" Oops. And taxpayers are wondering why Wrigley's decrepit state wasn't factored into Tommy's acquisition cost. It's a perceptive question, perhaps a tipping point in the beleaguered masses' willingness to bend over and, well, 'accept' The Next Big Deal.

Omaha's politics resemble elections in the local chapter of Future Farmers of America. Everyone postures for a bit and then the combatants head out for drinks at M's Pub. In contrast, Chicago's politics are blood sport. Posturing stops and drinking commences only when someone's severed head is available for use as a drinking trophy.

And has anybody told Tommy about the curse, that in buying the "lovable losers" he risks becoming one himself? Not even the narrative about meeting his future wife in Wrigley's bleachers confers protection.

Secondarily, Warren Buffett took to to the NY Times op-ed pages to thank the Feds for their bailout billions. Job well done!, says the Oracle

He's wrong, of course. He's entitled to thank the Feds for bailing out HIS company. What he's NOT entitled to do is spew fiction and call it fact. Bail out financial services and avert economic meltdown, or so goes his theory. But if financial services and the economy at-large are so inextricably linked, why, despite the bailout, is the economy still so wretched? So much for linkage.

Oh, but absent the bailout, conditions would have been SO MUCH WORSE, says Buffett, thus ignoring the salutary effects of seeing thousands of Wall Street 'titans' living in cardboard boxes under some expressway.

So, Tommy, call me if you need PR expertise. I can help. Really. For you I'd even put aside most hints of captiousness...though I won't convert from White Sox to Cub fandom. That's just TOO large a sacrifice.

And Warren, stop peeing on my leg and trying to convince me it's center-pivot irrigation.

Captious, that's me.

Triathlon Grows...and Shrinks

From The Wall Street Journal:

"World Triathlon Corp., whose signature long-distance event, the Ford Ironman World Championship, is taking place in Hawaii this Saturday, plans to add 13 U.S. triathlons to its 2011 lineup that will cover only 31.9 miles, which is the distance used for triathlons in the Summer Olympic Games. World Triathlon will dub its new series 5150, a reference to the 51.5-kilometer length of the Olympic race, but the affiliation with Ironman will be highly visible."

Predictably, some Ironman veterans are questioning whether an Olympic-distance Ironman is really an Ironman or just a gimmick from World Triathlon's new owners - Providence Equity Partners, a private equity firm bent on squeezing every dollar of incremental revenue out of a fast-growing sport.

No, 51.5 is not 140 but neither is 70.3. How far a brand can be pushed is a fair question, though the explosive growth in the half-Ironman distance doesn't seem to have hurt and, indeed, may have helped as many racers (including yours truly) see the half-Ironman distance as a necessary milestone along the journey ending at an Ironman finish line.

And just what is triathlon's growth path? Still robust amidst economic uncertainty, apparently. From the WSJ's article:

"Triathlon participation is booming. The number of racers grew to 1.2 million U.S. triathletes in 2009, an 11% jump from 2008 and a 50% jump from 2007, according to the Sporting Goods Manufacturers Association.

"Dues-paying members of USA Triathlon—typically triathletes who compete in four or more races a year—stand at 135,000, up from 100,674 in 2007.

"USA Triathlon surveys show that the average income of the triathlete exceeds $125,000 a year. Many triathletes spend thousands a year on bicycles, swim gear, running shoes and travel, making the sport popular among corporate sponsors. At independent bike dealers, unit sales of triathlon bikes jumped 24% this year through August, while unit sales of wet suits jumped 40%, according to Leisure Trends Group, a research firm based in Boulder, Colo.

"But participation in triathlon diminishes with length. A 2009 USA Triathlon survey found that only 17% of triathletes had finished an Ironman race in the past year. But 58% had finished an Olympic-distance race. The popularity of the shorter distance in part reflects the inclusion since 2000 of the 31.9-mile triathlon as an Olympic event."

Ironman 70.3 Muncie

The Muncie (IN) Endurathon becomes Ironman 70.3 Muncie, debuting on July 9, 2011. Registration opens today on www.ironmanmuncie.com.

Watch Out Geezers!

Armstrong says he'll start at the half-Ironman distance

And with that, every 70.3 race this year and next just sold out.

There's 'Clean" and There's 'Coming Clean.'

Floyd Landis: I was a doper.

Free Speech For Me and Thee and Thee

I'm an absolutist when it comes to free speech. The First Amendment says "Congress shall make NO laws..." It DOESN'T say "Congress shall make no laws...EXCEPT those laws that are anti-corporate, incumbent-protecting and election-controlling."

To me, in the absence of some clear and present danger (shouting 'fire' in a crowded theater, for example) NO law means NO law. Back off my message, bucko.

And so I was greatly cheered yesterday when the Supreme Court blasted a huge hole through the so-called McCain-Feingold campaign law banning corporations and labor unions from paying for “electioneering communications,” such as movies, newspaper ads, and the like, that support or oppose candidates.

I'll never understand McCain's willingness to lend his name to such obviously unconstitutional claptrap. It's bizarre that he ever thought such lunacy was constitutional. It's downright scary that 4 Supreme Court justices agree with him.

The antidote to speech you DISAGREE with is speech you AGREE with, not prohibitive laws stifling opinions. And with the rise of social media and networking, the ability of deep-pocketed organizations to "buy" elections with huge media budgets lessens by the day.

Pornographers enjoy near-total First Amendment protection, yet under McCain-Feingold the Sierra Club couldn't argue against, say, deforestation within 30 days of an election if one side or the other challenged the message as electioneering.

Yes, the marketplace of ideas can be rough-and-tumble. Yes, illogical arguments are raised, disturbed opinions voiced and disagreeable conclusions reached. The antidote to all of that is NOT to close the marketplace, but to admit that we've raised a generation of ninnies and nitwits, where uncomfortable arguments hurt "self-esteem" and challenging words represent grounds for legal action, not rhetorical testing.

Admit it, and do something about it.

I remember some Chicago-area Italian-American parents seeking a court order prohibiting a high school drama club from performing a play portraying SOME Italians as gangsters. What message does that send? Are we really THAT thin-skinned? The parents' time might have been better-spent putting on their own play portraying Italians as artists, inventors, writers and philosophers.

Of course that would have meant actually learning something about Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci, Boccaccio and Machiavelli. Why do that, why engage in the marketplace of ideas when all you REALLY need to know is your damn lawyer's phone number?

The Golden Globes

Apparently I missed another Hollywood wankfest last night. I always thought "Golden Globes" was just slang for some starlet's cleavage. But a smug, preening, self-referential award show full of narcissistic twits? Who knew?

I mighta watched if I'd known MC Ricky Gervais would take a few well-aimed shots at "Sir" Paul McCartney's divorce-inspired thrift.

Walk and Talk. Just Not At The Same Time!

"On the day of the collision last month, visibility was good. The sidewalk was not under repair. As she walked, Tiffany Briggs, 25, was talking to her grandmother on her cellphone, lost in conversation.

"Very lost.

“I ran into a truck,” Ms. Briggs said.

"It was parked in a driveway."

Now I've got something else to worry about when out on my bike: distracted, cell-phone yakking WALKERS. (from the NY Times.)

One Person's 'Activist' Is Another Person's 'Nag.'

We live in a wacky world, don't we? According to yesterday's Wall Street Journal, while west coast activists lobby for LOOSER restrictions on marijuana, an east coast mayor lobbies for TIGHTER restrictions on food-borne sodium.

So, more pot, less salt. Really? REALLY? Tell me I'm not alone here in noticing a bizarre symmetry.

Apparently, the Woodstock generation finally matured...into hypertensive, glaucoma-ridden loudmouths with too much power (east coast) and time (west coast) on their hands.

Doctor in L.A. road rage case gets prison time for assaulting cyclists.

Systemic Failures and The Spinning Thereof

So da Chicago Bears fired a few coordinators and position coaches. Now I'm watching a White House press conference re: airline security and how completely "on top of it" they are, determined to now "connect the dots."

Umm-hmm. As organizations, da Bears and da Feds have more in common than you might think, proving yet again that press conferences require a minimum of 6 people answering questions to come up with 4 working brain cells between them. Idiots.

Unlike the Feds, at least da Bears fired someone, though in typically Bearsian fashion, those getting axed are the flunkies charged with carrying out orders from dumbasses higher up the food chain. Thus far, said dumbasses have avoided any and all blame, having paid close attention at the Janet Napolitano School of Public Policy and Tactical Blame Avoidance, apparently.

At any moment I expect to hear from the Titanic's captain about that deck chair arrangement.

I'll Stop When You Do

Interesting how "Dubya" Bush was deemed responsible for everything from global warming to jock itch, yet, now that The Messiah's ascended to the throne, his ass-kissers plead for an end to "The Blame Game." Yeah right. I just spent 8 years learning the game's rules.

"The $700 Billion Man Builds A Shed

From The Washington Post: if you're Neel Kashkari, what do you do after you've distributed $700 billion of TARP money, invested in 540 banks, implemented a $50 billion foreclosure prevention plan, endured Congress's rage and the blogosphere's savagery, and watched colleagues suffer heart attacks at their desk?

Find an anti-Washington hideaway, of course. Move to the Sierra Nevada mountains, watch shooting stars, listen to the coyotes howl and build a shed. I like this guy.

Limit Wall Street's IQ, Not Its Compensation

And so the financial crisis continues...or not...depending on which side of the political fence you're on and whether you're a tax PAYER or a tax COLLECTOR.

Recently, I ran across an interesting theory for the crisis's origins. Though I can't remember where I encountered it or the theory's originator, it goes like this...

Time was when all the best and brightest college graduates headed for careers in medicine, law, engineering, teaching and the arts. And for generations the dumb guys (and gals) headed to Wall Street, with few aspirations beyond making piles of money, owning a house in Greenwich, another in the Hamptons, and golfing thrice weekly.

Over time though, math jockeys - the so-called 'quants' - discovered the piles of money to be made with esoteric models of risk and reward. And thus began the smart guy migration - away from useful professions where stuff gets made and knowledge created, toward feeding Wall Street's lust for outsize profits with opaque securities and incomprehensible trading strategies.

Securities and trading strategies SO opaque and incomprehensible that when the quants said they understood it all you just knew they were lying through their bleached teeth.

But like scary-smart locusts the quants swarmed Wall Street and found themselves reporting to...yes, you guessed it..the dumb guys!

Remember them?

By now they'd risen to positions of supervisory authority, the financial world's BSDs - "Big Swinging D**ks." To the BSDs, "supervision" meant leaving a bunch of snot-nosed twerps alone to make piles of math-fueled money. "Don't ask, don't tell" took on a whole new meaning. The BSDs didn't want to ask and wouldn't have understood the explanation if they had.

Smart guys reporting to dumb guys. See the problem? We've spent lots of energy debating compensation limits in financial services. Maybe, given that we're stuck with the supervisory status quo for a while longer, what we really need are IQ limits.

And The Daily Dimwit Award Goes To...

...this unidentified guy, who says he was so distracted by a low-flying bird and a dropped cell phone that he drove his million-dollar Bugatti Veyron into a marsh. At least he didn't mow down a cyclist as the weeds beckoned.

So many dimwits, so little time to blog.

Friday's Triathlon Mashup

A triathlon news mash-up from my vantage point in the Great Suburban Outback. I tri, I see, I search, I read, I blog. All you gotta do is read...

From Tampa Bay Online, a requiem for triathlete Chris Livingston, killed when a car collided with his bike. So sad. Pay attention, dammit!

Examiner.com forecasts Lance Armstrong doing for triathlon's popularity what he's already done for cycling's. Mid-pack racers' fortunes are projected to suffer as more sponsorship opportunities go to top pros and race directors. Well, that's one thing I won't have to worry about! I can't even SEE the "mid-pack" from where I race!

From the Tampa Tribune, random drug testing comes to Saturday's Foster Grant Ironman World Championship 70.3 in Clearwater, FL. About time.

Tri-ing in northern Utah? From standard.net, here's a club you should join - the Northern Utah Triathlon Club. Now forming, the group welcomes triathletes of all levels and offers group rides, swim clinics and running lectures. Sounds like fun. And as I always say, triathletes are just thousands of friends you haven't yet met.

From Triathlon.Competitor.com, the 2011 ITU Long Distance Worlds will be held in Henderson, NV. I dunno. I've been to Henderson and it's a little, umm, dry and desert-y isn't it? Maybe the swim will be in some stupid golf course's water hazard.

Also from Triathlon.Competitor.com, Rev3 Tri seriously amps up the prize purses. I'd like to do the Cedar Point IM-distance race someday, though there's no worries about writing ME a check!

Finally, from ScapSports blog, here are 10 steps to improve your swimming. I need all of 'em.

Friday's Triathlon Mashup

A very idiosyncratic triathlon news summary:

From trifuel.com, here are 8 tips to qualify for Kona. Tip #1: decide! Tips #2-8 involve slightly more work.

From Tulsaworld.com, three steps to better triathlon swimming. Step #3: stop kicking so hard! Remember, you'll need those legs for biking and running. So relax.

Finally, from Everydaychristian.com, Gary Brasher plans to do three triathlons in three days, ending with Ironman Arizona. I'm not sure whether to admire his commitment or reconsider everything I know about tapering. I guess I'll wish him good luck either way.