Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Pretty Soon Starvation Will Be the Trendiest Diet Of Them All!

Once upon a time it was OK to eat meat, red and otherwise. A time when butter, eggs and cream were staples. The French do it, gleefully, and suffer far lower rates of heart disease and other uniquely American maladies.

But no, we couldn’t be like the French, could we? Sacre bleau!

And so red meat was jettisoned, leaving ‘healthy’ meats like fish and poultry.

Then it was better to be vegetarian, no meat at all.

But if vegetarianism is good then vegan must be even better.

And if vegan is good then raw, unsullied, virgin food is the ne plus ultra!

Pretty soon starvation will be the trendiest diet of them all. After all, who’d want a carrot to feel the pain of cold steel?

Me? I’m sticking to the Mediterranean diet – olive oil, fish, poultry, pasta, bread, nuts, fresh fruit and vegetables, salads, healthy dairy, intense black coffee, red wine. 60% carbs, 20% each protein and healthy fats.

And the next time an overweight, undernourished, teetotalling, carrot-crunching vegan throws some dietary criticism my way, I’m gonna invite her onto the triathlon course and kick her ass. Kindly, in a manner befitting the emotionally sensitive, growthful, modern kinda guy that I am.

Not that I have anyone particular in mind...

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