Thursday, May 15, 2008

Never Trust Vertical Man With A Catapult

Wowie Kazowie!  Tri-Daughter #3's friends did an awesome job cleaning the pool!  It's clean, chemically-balanced and clear as a bell.  Of course the temperature's still only about 2 degrees above absolute zero but I refuse to turn the heater on and, hey, what's a case of erect nipples among friends anyway?


Even better (not that it's a competition or anything) but MY pool is clearer than my neighbor's pool, and HIS pool is maintained by a certain pool company's jerkwad owner.  For some reason, Jerkwad has always refused a contract to maintain MY pool, preferring to let me struggle on my own to rid the water of green, icky stuff.  He still benefited though, selling me $300 worth of chemicals every other week (a revenue stream that probably explains why my customer account is listed under "Retirement Annuity" instead of "Vertical Man.")

I got used to hearing "We don't know why LAST week's recommendations didn't work but NOW you need a gallon of THIS and two quarts of THAT and a bottle of SOMETHING ELSE and THIS and THAT and THAT and THIS and ya gotta test the water and do THIS if the reading is such-and-such and only do THAT if the test is negative...that'll be $300 see you next week thank you very much"  On and on.  Test, rinse, repeat.  Pay the Piper.

So it gives me immoderate amounts of pleasure to yell "Hey Jerkwad!  Look at MY pool now! You're OFF the Vertical Man gravy train!  So F*** your pools, F*** your business philosophy, F*** your pricey chemicals and, by the way, F*** you too!"  

I'm gonna start launching CtWD's piles over the fence  We'll see how Jerkwad deals with fecal soup.

Just kidding.  My neighbor doesn't deserve that.  I'll launch the piles into Jerkwad's truck next time he's here.  Tallyho!

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