Friday, November 28, 2008

Geography Is Not Her Strong Suit

Subtitle: Comcast sucks.  Comcast sucks.  Comcast sucks.  Comcast sucks.  Comcast Sucks.  Comcast sucks.  There.  THAT should bring Comcast's extreme suckiness to Google's attention.  Oh yeah, the Detroit Redwings suck too.  Now back to the topic at hand:

As I ponder my existence in the Great Suburban Outback, an intractable problem, a conundrum if you will, has me vexed and angry, and wondering about how our school system teaches geography...or not.

As the interstate highway flies, the GSO is about 80 miles from Chicago and 240 from Detroit.  And as a hockey fan, I cheer, passionately, for Chicago's Blackhawks and loathe, equally passionately, Detroit's Redwings.  This year it's theoretically easier to follow the Hawks now that every game, home and away, is on TV...but that's before theory met its match: Comcast.

The other day I called my local Comcast outlet to inquire why they showed me almost every Redwings game and none of the Hawks'.  Not one.  Nada.  Zero.  Zippo.  I'm sick of being force-fed gallons of noxious Redwing Kool-Aid when I really prefer the Hawks and a good Malbec.

I wondered aloud why I pay to be over-supplied with what I hate and I can't get any of what I'd happily pay for.  I told 'em it sounded like a great rip-off business model to me.  (Though, come to think of it, I dunno why I should pay for the Golf Channel either.)

"Well, you're getting your LOCAL TEAM'S games.." a bored, insolent voice answered.  Hmmm.  OK, let's think about this.  80 miles from one city, 240 from the other.  Which is more 'local' do ya think?  I tried 'splaining to her the difference between 80 and 240.  I inferred that 80 was, in all probability, LESS than 240.  I suggested that a synonym for 'local' could be 'closer' as in '80 miles is CLOSER to me than 240!'

She suggested I organize my neighbors and complain en masse.  Great idea if only my neighbors weren't flocks of geese and the occasional red fox or two.

Let's just say I now hate Comcast almost as much as I hate the Redwings.  One of these days I'm gonna answer the phone when The Dish comes calling.

A map is a terrible thing to waste.

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