Thursday, August 11, 2005

Attention All Alpha Male Wanna-Be's

If the editors at Triathlete Magazine haven't gone completely off the deep end, they've certainly been spending quality time on the diving board. "Are you mean enough?" is the September 2005 issue's provocative question du jour. What's "Mean enough"? MAKING THEM FEEL MORE PAIN THAN YOU. STICKING IN THE KNIFE WHEN THEY FALTER. BREAKING THEM. Uh-huh. Calling all alpha males: your Kool-Aid is ready. Give me a freakin' break.

I got into triathlons partly because it seemed like the sporting antithesis of the alpha male syndrome. Oh sure, I knew they were always out there somewhere, usually too far out in front of me to bother with. Occasionally I'd encounter a pack lurking around transition, marking their territory and acting like their maturation topped out at, oh, 16 or so. I can handle that level of proximity. But now, thanks to a damn magazine article, the grunting, howling, slavering mob just got a lot bigger. And that's not cool.

So to all you punk-ass alpha male wanna-be's, here's my training tip of the week: Stay outta my way. I may be slow but I'm old, treacherous, and I don't give a damn. I don't even like you. Hmmm. Maybe I AM mean enough...


Shelley said...

I remember that too and thinking?? Mean...gaaaaaaaawd...I can't do that!!! I did have thoughts though of someone I want to trash at Kona..and that thought pushed me on the swim and the bike...I had no hope on the run..LOL

Wil said...

I thought the SAME thing - it's just to long of a day out there to be mean, you know?? Though, totally scared of you now! :)

"And I don't even like you." LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Comm's said...

I haven't read the article yet but I am gathering that its about getting mad at uber triahtletes because of their inherent ability and the way they flaunt it before the race in the transition area. Then you turning that anger into a means to get through the race 'faster'.

Shoot before a race I am just trying to maintain my modesty wearing an skinsuit or swimsuit that I wouldn't wear around my house without personal mollification.

bunnygirl said...

Heck, one of the main reasons I enjoy endurance sports is that it's one of the few places in this mean world where people aren't mean! Not in the MOP and BOP, that is.

We help each other. We're all part of the club. Just one big disfunctional family. :-)

Maybe they're mean up there at the front, but I wouldn't know. I'm too slow to ever see them, anyway. Nice of them to get out of my plodding way, though. So maybe they're not so mean, either. ;-)

tri-mama said...

"I'm older and I have more insurance"

Kathy Bates in Fried Green Tomatos

After smashing into 2 young chicks car who took her parking spot.