Friday, June 17, 2005

Bloodsucking Insects and Political Genitalia

This is not a political blog, which is great because I am not very political. As far as I'm concerned, the word 'politics' has two roots: 'poly' meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'blood-sucking insects.' But every so often an elected blood-sucking insect will do or say something so egregiously stupid that a comment is required.

Enter Illinois Senator Richard 'Dick' Durbin. I could tell you that 'Dick' is in the pocket (er, the pants) of the trial lawyers' lobby and maybe that'd tell you all you need to know about 'Dick.' But no, 'Dick' was not content to be a shill for the ambulance chasers among us. He had to put both feet firmly down his own throat and equate our treatment of Gitmo's prisoners with Pol Pot's Cambodia, Hitler's Nazi Germany and the Russian Gulag.

So is 'Dick' (a) Desperately flapping his gums to get his name in the papers, as the Chicago Tribune said in today's editorial? (b) Stunningly ignorant of 20th century history? (c) Unable to deal with a casualty count higher than 10 without removing his own shoes? (d) Going to blame his incontinent mouth on some low-level staffer? (e) Preparing to claim he was misquoted and deny that the bozo in the 'Dick' outfit on C-Span was him? (f) All of the above? Hmmm. Guess which I'm voting for?

Most of you have figured out by now that the Great Suburban Outback is located in Illinois, and as an Illinois voter I bear a small portion of the blame for sending a dick like 'Dick' to Washington. We put up with a lot from our politicians: graft, bribery, kickbacks, payroll padding, cousin-hiring and junket-taking...just as long as the garbage gets picked up and the streets are swept clear of snow.

For you non-Illinois voters, those expectations are unimaginably low. But for us, there's a blues song playing and it goes like "I've been down so long everything looks like up..." Unfortunately, just when you thought that expectations could not GET any lower, 'Dick' hit rock-bottom and started to dig.

There's much to criticize about Gitmo. But poor 'Dick' wouldn't know a cogent argument if you hid it in something by Aristotle and slapped him upside the head with it. And 'Dick' if you're listening, craven, ignorant stupidity is not soon forgotten, even by Illinois' voters. Your ambulance-chasing homeboys can't help you now.

1 comment:

Wil said...

And the etymology award goes to...Vertical Man!!!! Oh, that was just classic. Very nice.